Thursday, July 9, 2009

Things I MUST do before I die...Vol. 1

In commemoration of the 1 year and 7 month anniversary of the release of "The Bucket List" starring those two old guys that won a bunch of oscars, I've decided to compile my own "bucket list" of sorts because although these two guys are in their 90s or whatever, you never know when you're going to kick the bucket. Here we go:

- I've decided that before I die I MUST break a bottle over someone's head. Of course, I don't want to kill anyone so this individual must possess a skull of considerable thickness but in L.A. a person like that is not hard to come by (heh heh...) Also, I want to be sober when this takes place because I want to feel like I did it for a good reason. Many a time there has been where I've wanted to fight someone just because I was drunk...NO MORE!

Suge Knight, I'm coming for you, you fat fuck...

- Before I die, I MUST blow smoke in the face of a police officer. Now, I must say, this will be a whole lot funnier if it happens to be kush smoke (lol...). I just have to brainstorm a way not to get my ass hauled off to jail as a result. Then might be worth it depending on how many days I actually spend in jail. What would the limit be?...hmm...maybe a week. For a week I would definitely be the most popular guy sitting in the felony tank and then once I show up in front of the judge I may even get a laugh or two. Who knows.

- I MUST bitch slap Nick Cannon before I die. People always ask me why I'm so damn obsessed with Mariah Carey and the truth is that there is no precise, infallible answer to be given. Here's what I do know: yet again, another young (relatively speaking...), beautiful, talented entertainer is wed to a washed up, deadbeat piece of shit who is wasting the precious oxygen that me and the rest of the world need and deserve to breathe. I've spent many of my waking hours hoping and praying that this unholy union is some kind of fiasco of a publicity stunt gone horribly wrong. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!.....

That's all for now...

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